Sexy Loser

I found myself creatively impotent. This is weird. You get to know your stride. It’s taken years to perfect. You know your creative swagger intimately. And you know the three little words that ding off reward and approval merits in your head. It’s the thing that made you feel special and important as a kid.

“That looks good!” “Wow that’s cool” “I love that” “You made that?” “That’s so creative…”

You get it.

Where does that kid-like thinking evolve to as an adult? Does it actually evolve? What happens when it stops. Like scarily stops? I’m at the end of something that has come so naturally and feels super secure and familiar. Right now, I couldn’t design another person’s idea, product or money making enterprise if I tried. I’ve run out of money and I’ve run out of stamina for the one thing that feels like it will bring food to my table. WTF. How do you manage that?

Things that are helping right now: great friends, watching TV and drinking red wine, forcing myself out to run. I can’t overstate how incredible my friends are. They are persevering with me and loving me through this weird time.