Starting Over

I’m in free fall. It’s really uncomfortable. Beyond uncomfortable. Technically, I’ve still got a lot going for me that I’m grateful for. But the stuff I’ve lost. Wow. That's painful. It's stuff that I’ve worked at for years. There’s the money. A lot went into this thing that didn’t work out. That’s all gone and it’s not gonna come back. Of everything - that’s the one thing I feel relatively ok about. I’ve made money and lost money before. Healthy resilience comes with that terrain. Too many people cling onto cash and that’s where bigger problems surface.

But the other losses - I had a great job. The job I worked really hard at and was able to make a positive impact. I worked with the most brilliant people. It was one of the best work cultures I’ve experienced: people were seen, challenged to bring more and valued. Not because of how they performed. Money and job offers can’t be traded for that.

I risked it all to go for a crazy dream. Something I genuinely thought was a gorgeous solution to a challenge that affected a lot of people I love. But that thing didn’t work out. And now I find myself unemployed, broke and rebuilding trust with myself. I’ve hit 40 and wondering what the freak am I meant to do next? I’ve no idea. Things were going astoundingly well. My work had been talked about in the press and was helping change people’s lives. We were interviewed on TV. We were in freaking Vogue. But I’m sat here thinking what the hell was that all about?