Welfare Check

I made this poster to talk about my forced hospitalization in 2018. It’s taken months to process and find words to describe the incident. I spent 3 days in March trying to write out every detail, and ended up triggering a cascade of feelings and memories. Through this writing I have found a lot of direct correlations between past abuse, and the emotional problems I have suffered from for much of my life. Just 3 weeks ago, my therapist provided me with clarity;

“What you are talking about is PTSD, Tyler”.

I think my brain went a bit numb at this point. She talked more about the series of disorders that surrounded trauma, but I was not really concentrating. Now, two sessions later I have a bit more understanding. I’m starting to find the words to describe what my body feels in these situations, and to understand why this hospitalization harmed me so much.

I have a trauma and stressor related disorder.

When the police pinned me to the ground in 2018, my body felt the same terror I had at age 6 or at age 12 when I was abused by other children. My nervous system has had horrible gut-wrenching reactions my entire life because I have never been able to physically resolve the symptoms of having to protect myself from others.

Needless to say, the last couple of weeks have been pretty emotional. Finding the words to describe your pain sadly doesn’t always help with the coping. Through my reading, I am starting to see a bit of hope though. A glimpse of treatment through these endless grey clouds.