Without you

I’ve never heard a more terrifying combination of words than “She’s no longer with us”.
What do you do, what do you say, how do you react? It seems like our body and mind have a standardised response to this phrase, your heart just drops down to the floor, all the strength in your muscles seems to disappear and you crumble down into a foetus position unable to move, unable to think, simply unable to do anything at all.

All you can do is hope that you’ll just wake up out of this nightmare and see that person as soon as possible, just to hear their voice and feel the warmth of their cheek when you lean in to kiss each others cheeks as you greet them.

No words can really help you process that moment, no “my condolences” no “I’m so sorry for your loss” or “I’m here if you need me”. No matter who says what, those words just lose all meaning, matter of fact all words lose meaning. All you want is to sit in a dark room and go through every memory you have of someone, feel the joy and the pain you’ve felt together once more and just scream into a pillow that’s already soaking wet in tears until you pass out because you’re all out of energy.

They say it gets easier with time, but it can never get easier at all it seems.
At least we can talk to them everyday, I just wish I could hear their answers once in a while.