Empathy / Apathy

This one's a lot:

I think a lot about the relationship between societal expectations and acting according to learned behavior vs. bring one's "true self" or acting "naturally". And there's obviously a LOT at play other than just those two things. But I found myself getting caught between two reactions, and sort of hating myself when I can't commit to one or the other fully.
Should I greet the world with kindness always, and react with care & empathy over all? Or say "fuck off" and buck society's expectations of me as a woman (to smile, and listen, and accept?) And which of these represents strength?
What I've decided and am trying to do is to embrace both reactions and the gray spaces in between, and to build space for myself to be a human of contradictions and multiplicities. Because nobody is just one thing, and we make ourselves smaller by trying to be. And sometimes, I don't have the energy to listen, and sometimes I don't have the energy to not.

All of that to say: I'm finding balance in being and accepting myself. And it's hard sometimes. But it feels good.